Love

Spending 18 hours in the car does have a few benefits. One of them is that it gave me plenty of time to think. With life being so busy for me lately it seems like I rarely have time to have my own thoughts. But after a few days of vacation and relaxation in Florida my mind was refreshed.

So I spent most of the early hours Saturday morning thinking about love and what the perfect symbol of love is. I thought about a kiss. I kiss my daughters daily as a way of showing them how much I love them. I thought about a wedding ring and the unending circle it symbolizes. Then I thought about the cross. Now many times people don't view the cross as a symbol of love, but as a symbol of punishment or pain.

I view it as a symbol of love because Christ didn't have to hang on the cross. He knew it was coming. He knew the physical pain and agony it would cause Him. He prayed in the garden that if it be possible that there was another way that God would save Him from it, but also said for Gods will to be done. It was my sin that nailed Him to the cross, and it was His love that held Him there. It's amazing to think about.

So when I look at the cross I see the pain, I see the suffering, but I also see the love. The unconditional, never-ending love of my savior that held Him to the cross. Christ loves me and everyone else enough to do that. Knowing that at times I would turn my back on Him. He loves me anyway and always stands watching and ready for me to come home. One of my favorite songs is "still calls me son" by John Waller. A picture of love.

Love week

What a difference a few months makes. Last October fellowship church was wrapping up love week on my first visit. That one visit started a transformation in my life. If you know me or have read my blog before you know the story. I love my church, don't just like it, don't just think it's ok. I LOVE it. I think my church is a great example of what the bride of Christ should look like.

So this week was love week Wilmington. My church performed different acts of love around the city of Wilmington Delaware. From reading to kids at a school, making dinner for firefighters, and cleaning up at a park to name a few. One of the other things we did was have a night of inspiration. We had musicians from Atlanta come in and a children's entertainer come in and have a free night of family entertainment. What a time. Our worship leader wrote an amazing song for this specific love week and it was amazing.

I read a book a few years back called stop dating the church and fall in love with the family of God. Fellowship church I love you

Tonight I participated in love week. Not as a guest but as a member of tue family at fellowship church. I am very blessed

thoughts i think, i think

Some days are crazy. Some are really crazy. And some are awesome. Yesterday I had one of those awesome days. I had a good day Thursday and ended up working until almost 1am Friday morning on some register issues I had at my store. Then Friday morning I got a call that things were crazy at my store and there were some issues. When I got in though everyone calmed down and things went great.  We were busy and we all had a good time. The biggest difference was my attitude. I could have come in upset that things weren't going well, but I didn't. And it changed the tone for everyone in the store and we had a great day.  Looking forward to many more days like the last two I had.

Plan b

I've been reading a lot of good books lately. Not having cable does pay some dividends :-). Though I don't get to see nearly as many phillies games as I would like. But anyway, I started reading plan b by pete Wilson yesterday. Talk about awesome. I'm 3 chapters in and know what he's talking about. David is one of my favorite Bible heroes. I can relate to him in so many ways. I've reached a lot of these points just over the last few months. Giving up control is hard to do, but it is easier when you have a good church family around you supporting you. I know I talk a lot about my church and I'm very passionate about it, but there's no other way for me to be about it.

Since I started attending fellowship my life has completely turned around. I've given control to God and had great victories in areas of my life that I was defeated. I've learned through the teaching that I am forgivable, that God loves me and have really accepted all that means. I've always known God loved me, but I finally understand His love is unending. That to me that when I felt like filthy rags God saw me and loved who He saw and that I am worth Christ on the cross. Think about that in your life. No matter where your at. God loves you and Christ gave His life for you. Immeasurable pain was handed out on my account, and willingly taken by the blameless Son of God. Now I'm a child to the same Father. Life is good.

Where are you at today? And have you realized the full potential of Gods love in your life?

Ramblings.....

Passion

Passion. It's not a word that is commonly used, but I think we need to get it into our vocabularies and into our hearts. What do you think of first when you think of passion? First thing that pops into my mind are the eagles and phillies. I am a passionate fan. I have been a Philly sports fan my whole life. I was raised on it. When I lived in Florida I even got a Tampabay bucs license plate with eagles on it. (needless to say many bucs fans didn't like that). But something I'm also passionate about is my church. I don't go to just any church. I go to fellowship church. Here's the scoop.

I've always been involved in church. I'm a pastors son so I've been going to church since I was in my mothers womb. I've been involved in different aspects of ministry most of my adult life. I've seen churches get some things right but really falter in others. I've liked all the churches I've been a part of, but I love fellowship. I love it because my church is making a difference. I see it in my life and in my daughters lives. Example. Last week I was doing Anna's God time card with her, which she gets from kidventure live, and she was reading from my Bible. We finished up and then ate supper. After supper while I was doing dishes my other daughter Sadie asked Anna to read some more from the Bible to her, and you know what? Anna stopped her coloring picked up my Bible and read to her sister. As a parent that was one of the biggest blessings I have ever had. I want the best for my daughters. I want them to grow up to change the world, not just try to survive it. I want them to experience Gods love in a way that blows their minds for the rest of their lives. And I know they will get that by being a part of fellowship. I know because it's happening in my life now.

So I'm passionate about my church, and I go to a passionate church. And my God is a passionate God.

I want to change the world

So I've spent a lot of time thinking, and I want to change the world. Now I know people will say what are you thinking? Who are you to think you can? Trust me I have the same doubts, but it's something God has called me to. I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do. It's just something that has been impressed on my heart. I know if I tried to do it on my own I would fail. I have no clue what my future will look like, but I know my Father wrote it. And I'm learning daily that His love is all I need and His strength is more than I need for anything that comes my way.

The song blessings by Laura Story has been blowing my mind all week. I know with every fiber of my being that God loves me and wants the best for me. I also know I've done my share of screwing up and I've doubted Gods goodness. I've cried wondering what was going on why am I walking through this right now. I've also looked back and seen those have been the times when I've been the closest to God. Right now I'm in a place I've never been, and it's amazing. I'm more dependent on My Father than I have ever been, and I don't think it's a coincidence that the last few months have been some of the hardest I've ever faced. But at the same time God has blessed me beyond what I ever thought possible. And I know the future holds great things for me. So I'll be obedient and watch to see where God leads.

Because my Father loves me I can love, and it's with His eyes I want to see. So that I can love the way my Father loves

Direction

So one of the biggest challenges we all face in our lives is direction. Where are we headed? What are we doing? How are we getting there? And I'm not just talking about going someplace. I'm talking about life direction. I don't know for sure what God has for me for the next couple of years. I do know one thing though. The choices I make today affect where I'll be in the future.

Let me expound on that a little. The correct choices that I make and the incorrect choices that I make affect where I'll be in the future and what that future will look like. See I believe that when we accept Christ as our Saviour we get a little gps (God positioning system) called the Holy Spirit. And we can listen to that gps and follow where God wants us to go, which is the best way because God has an awesome plan for each one of his children. Jer. 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, give you hope and a future". But too many times we like to do our own thing and ignore the gps (I do this while driving all the time) and we hear recalculating. See God does the same thing when we step out on our own apart from His will. He recalculates. The Israelites had it happen to them in the Old Testament. They were afraid to enter the promised land because they heard a report from some of their spies that giants lived in the land. How quickly they forgot that God had just parted the red sea for them to all walk through it a few months earlier. Hello?? And they ended up wandering around the desert for 40 years. And Joshua one of the spies who said they should go in and take the land because the Lord was on their side. He ended up being the leader God chose to take his people back into the promised land those 40 years later, and what happened to all the people who didn't want to go in? In that 40 year time period everyone over the age of 18 died.

Kinda makes me acutely aware of the decisions I make as I face one of the biggest transitions in my life. I don't want to hear recalculating. I want to get their Gods way. And when I get there I want to hear well done, not dude what were you thinking back there when you made that left? So are you listening to your gps today?

Ramblings

Impossible

So I'm going to pose a question to start off this blog. Is there really anything that is impossible with God? I just finished reading Sun Stand Still today and over the last week it has changed my view of miracles and my view of faith. I guess things really started changing over the last few months and reading this book really helped me understand where I'm at. Fellowship church has really shaped my view on how God can work. I used to pray safe prayers and think maybe God would answer, but I'm learning to pray for things bigger than me and expecting God to make them happen. I'm exercising audacious faith.

I used to think the miraculous was something saved just for the Bible. That it didn't happen anymore. Now I'm thinking it has more to do with us having less faith then they did. Do I have enough faith to believe I can pray for impossible things and that God will answer them? God can do anything period. There isn't a but there. If we are faithful to God He will be faithful to us.

So I'm praying audacious prayers and expecting God to answer them. Already this year i've seen God work in my life in ways that I thought were impossible. So I'm praying bigger prayers now. And I'm expecting God to answer.

Ramblings

Challenging

So I've been reading the book Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick. Talk about amazing. Thanks for the birthday gift Dan. Just what I needed at this point and this transition in my life. God is challenging me to live as big as He is and not as small as I am. I'll be honest in the fact that I don't know what that looks like. I have no clue what God has for me next. And yeah I'm a little afraid. So let me give you a excerpt from this book.

"it's not wrong to feel fear. It is wrong to let that fear have the last word in your life. The people who accomplish the most astounding things for Gods glory aren't the people who feel the least fear. Often they're the ones who deal with the most intense fear. But instead of letting that fear disable their dreams, they start increasing their capacity for faith. They act on the part of Gods direction they do understand. And they leave the rest up to Him."

Talk about amazing. For so many years i have been held captive by the fear that I'm not good enough. that my past failures will hold me back from future successes. That I am less than I think I am. But I know I'm forgivable, I'm usable, and I'm lovely. When God sees me He doesn't look at what I've done. Rather He looks at what He can do through me if I get my stupid self out of my own way. So my Sun Stand Still prayer is that God will use me to reach people for Him in ways that scare me, in ways that get me good and afraid, because I know it won't be me being successful. It will be God.

God I pray that you will give me the faith to believe you can use someone as unworthy as me to change the world for you.

Rambling....

Servitude

So we went to two services at fellowship today. It was amazing. I went to the early service and saw a lot of the same people sitting around me. One of the great things it has offered me the opportunity to serve during the second service. I loved it. I was learning about hosting and security for our kids wing. You know, cause I'm so buff and intimidating. Hahahaha. Anyway, a lot of serving is about attitude and I say all this to say that my daughter Anna gets it. Anna hasn't been feeling good this weekend and I considered calling Dan and telling him I couldn't come. I told Anna and she said "daddy you have to go. You have training". If my 6 year old can get it and understand what holds us back as adults? She is excited about church. She cries when she can't go. So like I said before. It's all about attitude.

Ramblings....

I always wondered....

Growing up there were a lot of things I wondered about. For instance, why am I so much better looking than my three siblings? Hahaha jk. But seriously I always wondered why my grandma and grandpa Scharadin would wake up so early in the morning to read their Bibles. They would be up at 6 or earlier sitting out at the dining room table, at our house or in their chairs at their house. It always amazed me and until recently I didn't understand.

For me early morning is the time of the day when I am most awake. I read a few chapters in the Word and then spend some time worshipping either in song or prayer. It has completely changed my life. Now I'm not saying I get up crazy early every morning. But when I do I can feel a difference in how my days go. I get more accomplished. I think the other part is because I'm giving God the best of me. The firstfruits (kjv) if you will. And by giving God my best He gives me His best. It's awesome. God has truly blessed me over the last few months and I can't wait to see what He has next.

Ramblings....

it's sooo cRaZy

So what are some people thinking. (ok, so i've been one of these people before too) But why do we expect obedience when we are disobedient? All God wants is our obedience, but yet we refuse to give it to Him. We might give Him partial obedience, but do we give Him complete obedience? Do we surrender in all areas of our lives? Including the places people can't see?  So why then are we surprised when we are met with disobedience from our children or people under our authority?  I've found that the days I am completely obedient my daughters are more obedient to me. 

I guess this kinda ties a bunch of my blogs together. obedience, parenting, and craziness. It's crazy to think that when we bisobey God that we will receive obedience. Especially as a parent.  I love my daughters more than any other people in the world. I miss them the nights they don't spend at my house. I expect them to obey me. Just as God, my Father, expects me to obey Him. I'm not saying if your kids aren't listening it's because you are being disobedient to God. But you'd be crazy not to think it has an effect if you aren't being obedient.

So I'll leave you with this. Obedience is as a obedience does.

PS. if you like my new layout you can thank my sister :)

Parenthood

There are a ton of reasons for me choosing this as my blog title today. One is that I am a parent. If you know anything about me you know that I have two of the most beautiful little girls in the world, who I love very much. I can't remember a single day in their lives that I haven't talked to them. I think about them constantly and I make all my decisions with then in mind. How might my next choice affect my girls. I'll say one more thing before I get into the real why I'm writing this. I was paid, what I honestly consider to be the highest compliment I have ever received a few months ago. One of my best friends wives told him that you can tell how much I love my daughters by how I interact with them. Seriously when he told me I cried. I always wonder if I'm doing a good enough job, and to have someone who I have a lot of respect for say that floored me. God knew I needed to hear it. It's great how He gives us affirmation at times.

So the main reason I'm writing this is because I'm focused on Gods best for my life. Which translates to me wanting Gods best for Anna and Sadie too. What I have always known, but sometimes lose sight of. Is how important my role as a father is to them. Their view of their heavenly Father starts with their view of me as their father. And to be honest it kinda freaks me out. I want each of my daughters to have a real and intimate relationship with the God that
I have recklessly fallen in love with. And the best way for me to do that is to love them the same way I love God, with reckless abandon. By letting them know how important they are to me.
Not only is their view of God affected by how they view me, but their whole view of men and the future role other men will play in their lives. I don't want my girls running around feeling like they need boys to affirm their beauty or love. I tell my daughters every single day multiple times a day that I love them and they are beautiful. And i wouldn't be doing them justice if I just told them. I have to invest time in them. They need to see and feel that they are truly important to me as well as hear it.

So I want to live my life completely sold out to God, not only because it's the best thing for me, but also because it's the best thing for my daughters. Because they will see my love for God and my love for them. It's the best thing for my church too. And I'm not saying I'm super dad or I'm amazing and great, but I'll be honest it's the best thing for the world too. Because as a father sold out to God I have the opportunity to affect my family for generations to come. I have a chance to leave a profound legacy. One that will see the handwriting of God throughout it.

Ramblings....

Why

So many times we focus on the question why. Why did this happen to me? Why not something else? But are we asking the right question? There are definitely times where we should ask why, but I think we need to ask the question so that we find the answer. Too many times we're willing to ask the question but not put the effort in that it takes to find the answer.

I look at my life and at different points in my life there are different answers to the question why. Sometimes the answer is that I wasn't where I needed to be. My relationship with God wasn't what it should have been. Now though, my mind is made up. My path has been chosen. I may not know what tomorrow brings, but I am trusting in Gods promise to give me hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 God knows the plans He has for me. So I'm choosing not to lead, but to be led. Because when I allow God to lead me my life is much better. So if you see me smiling more, don't wonder why. Know it's because I'm trusting the One who holds my future.

Confessions

Toxic

So the current series at church is called toxic and, as it always does, has really been making me examine my own thoughts and actions. Toxic, just hearing makes me think of nuclear waste, and that's how dangerous toxic thoughts and toxic actions can be in our lives. I've spent tome thinking and realized that at some points in my life I've been a toxic person. I also realized that at the times I was toxic were times I was struggling in my walk with God. Coincidence? I think not. The best way to keep ourselves from being toxic is to be filled with the Holy Spirit and thinking about things that honor God. Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things." it's kinda hard to have toxic thoughts if this is what you're focused on.

God has been doing a lot of work in my life and heart and He has been drawing me closer to Him on a daily basis. I've felt His presence and love in ways I never thought could happen. All because I asked Him to be all that I need. I had said it before and asked Him before, bit always held little (toxic) things back. This year I've committed to being a better man of God. I've given everything and everyone over to God, because when I tried to do it without Him the outcome was very toxic. Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming perfection and from my blog name you can know what I've thought before. But I believe this with all my heart. I'm forgiven. When God looks at me He doesn't see my mistakes. He sees a child of His eager to do His will.

Lastly, just because you've messed up before doesn't mean you should continue to mess up. God's forgiveness is real. Let it work in your life and run from the stupid things you do or have done. I pray that I can hold myself to the high standards of being a authentic Christ follower.

Confessions

Crazy

Crazy- the word brings so many thoughts to my mind. From pranks in college, my boy dan, my daughters, my brother in law Jj. Anna used to always tell Jj he was crazy. It was hilarious. There are a lot of definitions for the word crazy. I know people who have done crazy things. Ok so I've done a lot of crazy things. One thing that is kinda crazy. I drove to Niagara Falls in the middle of winter in my camaro with a friend just to go. It was a daytrip. My car was searched at the border and I had to go in and wait to be talked to inside and who is in their but two of the guys from nsync. It was weird but that's way off topic.

So someone said to me the other day "the great ones are crazies like us". Yeah, I definitely consider myself crazy, and if you ever see my siblings and I all together you will definitely understand, or if you see my mom try to play guesstures. Good times. But again I digress.

So here is my point. As a "crazy" I'm in good company. I have enough crazy people without your bringing another one here. Keep him away from my palace!” http://bible.us/1Sam21.15.CEV This was said about King David someone who was called a man after Gods heart. When Jesus’ family heard what he was doing, they thought he was crazy and went to get him under control. http://bible.us/Mark3.21.CEV it's funny that a lot of the leaders in the Bible are called crazy. So yeah I'm happy to be a crazy.

Confessions of a crazy man :)

right now

As normal a ton has been on my mind lately. I'm definitely not saying that thinking is one of my strong points, but i've been doing a ton of it lately. It's been all across the board, from crunching numbers at work on my food cost and labor, to what is God's will for my life. This year is definitely a year of changes for me. I've created some really good habits. So far this year i have not missed a single day of getting into God's word and digging deeper, praying and thinking about what He is trying to say to me through what was written thousands of years ago. What kind of application is in it right now. 
There are so many similarities to the modern church and the way Israel was back in the day. We worship other Gods, even when we know God has provided for us and blessed us. Now, I'm not saying we bow down to images of wood or stone, that would be all kinds of awkward. Could you imagine walking into a church and seeing people bow down and pray to a statue? Just doesn't make sense to me. But at the same time we do put things and people before God. For some it might be a job, a spouse, a car, a house, money, and the list goes on. A idol is anything we put before God.  I just hope we don't end up with a wake up call like Judah and Israel got in the OT. Not pretty. 

God has given us a ton of chances to focus on Him.  He has given us amazing churches to fellowship with other believers and worship Him (cough fellowship church in glen mills, check it out, it will change your view of church) and He has given us the Bible to teach us not to make the same mistakes others have made before us. Little disclaimer I am one of those people who made their own mistakes without learning from others. Not the way you want to go. Trust me, read and learn.
As I read now I feel like I was so dumb for not understanding earlier. Maybe it was because I didn't see it, maybe it was because I didn't want to, but this is the truth "So you must be brave. Don’t give up! God will honor you for obeying him." http://bible.us/2Chr15.7.CEV DUH instructions don't get much easier than that, but if you need more "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."http://bible.us/Jer29.11.NIV84 . Oh still want more "I am sure that what we are suffering now cannot compare with the glory that will be shown to us." http://bible.us/Rom8.18.CEV

So that's just a little taste of what God has been teaching me the past few weeks. So i'll leave you with this last rambling thought. There are two views you can take with Jesus 1. He's nuts and the Bible is a bunch of stories, orrrr (the right one) 2. He is I am

confessions

Snowfall

Well to be a little more specific snowflakes. I was out in the woods today. Walking through snow up to my knees. It was nuts, but awesome. I was sitting on a log and watching the snow come down when a snowflake came down and landed on my jacket collar. I looked at it and it was one of the most perfect and beautiful things I have ever seen. It was amazing. To see all the little designs of each flake. I have never seen snowflakes so perfect in all my life. I just sat there marveling at each one as they continued to land on me. Beatiful does not begin to describe what they looked like. How intricate each one was.

It made me think about how awesome God is. How He made each snowflake so intricately beautiful. And if He created those snowflakes so beautifully and they would only last a few moments on my jacket, how much more beautiful ad intricate has God created each one of us. He knows us by name. Knows how many hairs are on our heads. How much more God has put into creating us than He put into a single snowflake. We are each so much more beautiful!! God is amazing and His love is so much more than enough for me. My cup is definitely overflowing right now, and I pray that it never ends.

Confessions

Compromise or complacency

Pick your poison, both are destroying the worlds view of Christianity.

I'll start with compromise. When we compromise our values, morals, or beliefs we compromise ourselves. It's not something that normally happens overnight. It takes time and normally start with something small. People don't go out and start by robbing a bank. They start with something small and it builds up. Casting crowns had it right by calling it a slow fade. I've been there. I've compromised and I've seen the staggering effect. That is why it is so important that we don't compromise. That we take a stand. Even when the people we think should step up don't. People who you might not think are watching see, hear, and remember. We might be the only interaction they have with a Christ follower.

What I don't get with compromise is the long term. And maybe it's just my new focus on giving God my best no matter what the cost, but how can we as Christ followers say we believe what the Bible says, but not follow it. I just don't understand it. And I think it's also my reading lately in the old testament. God wants our obedience. That means no compromise. Run from anything that is toxic or would cause you to compromise.

Now let's hit complacency. When we become complacent we become comfortable with things that are wrong and accept them as the norm. We can avoid complacency by looking at the world through Christ's eyes. I love the picture of Jesus going into the temple and turning over the tables of the moneychangers. It's such a powerful scene. The Israelite people had become complacent and Jesus literally kicked their butts. Complacency just kills our testimony because we just walk by and say it's ok by saying nothing at all.

We can't be ok with things that grieve the heart of God. It's not acceptable for us to say we are ok with things that are wrong. When are we going to talk to our friends about what we know they are doing that is wrong, and maybe self-destructive. It is worth it to say something, and it's wrong if we don't.

Confessions

Stories

Stories, our lives are full of them. Each day we wake up and live our lives. We make choices that write our stories. A lot of times I get stuck in the pages of my life and forget there is a whole book with chapters still to be written. I don't always see the role I play in Gods story. You see my story isn't really my story at all. It's the story God is choosing to write about me. I can take the pen and write, but it always ends up bad. So I've chosen to give the pen back to God and let Him write my story. It's not always easy to give up control. But it is definitely worth it. Because I know Gods plan is better than mine. The parts of my story that I've written are covered in scribbles and erases and mess ups. In the coming chapters I look forward to seeing where God leads me as I let Him use me and control my life.

So I end with this. Who is writing your story?

Ramblings of a modern day Pharisee

Lifechange

When people find out that I drive approximately 75 miles each way to church they ask me why, what's so special about that church. Well let me explain it here. I'll start from the beginning.

About 4 months ago I reconnected with one of my old friends Dan, from college. We talked and said we should hang out and he invited me to fellowship church in Glen Mills, where he is on staff. It worked out that I came to fellowship in October on the last Sunday of loveweek. This happened to be a special Sunday where the girls would be in the service with me. We got there and I could immediately tell there was something different, I couldn't tell exactly what it was, but it was different. The girls worshipped with me for the first time in over two years. In the middle of singing mighty to save I started crying because Anna and Sadie were standing beside me singing out with all they had that our God is mighty to save, and with tears streaking down my face I sang with them. Pastor Eric talked a little about what love week was and things they had already done that week. We were given the opportunity to go out and buy items for a food pantry. We were told we didn't have to as visitors, but I wanted Anna and Sadie to learn to give. How could they do that if I didn't model that to them? So we went and bought a few items and gave them.

This was the beginning of some serious lifechange for me. You see I was in a place where I didn't have very much hope. I hadn't been keeping my heart as close to God as I should have. So since then my daughters and I have been going back whenever I don't work Sundays. Now let me tell you what keeps me coming back.

1. Lifechange- I see my life changing because of the teaching and support I get from fellowship.
2. My daughters love going to church, and they remember what they learn there. Two stories to go with this. Today Anna told pastor Eric that the main service is boring and she loves the kids service, and Eric said that was great. He meant it too. Also just last week Anna was talking about when we went to acme and bought those items for the food pantry. She remembered 4 months later about what we did our first Sunday at fellowship.
3. Teaching- I love the teaching at fellowship. I have not walked away from a service without saying God spoke directly to me. It isn't just about what I hear on Sunday either, it's about the life application that happens throughout the week too.
4. People- from the moment I walked in I was blown away by the people at fellowship. Not just greeted, but everyone is friendly. Someone walked around with me and showed me where the girls went and helped me sign them in and then she called me during the week to see how things weeds and if I had any questions.
5. Music- the music is amazing. The whole band, led by Austin, is amazing. Weekly they lead us to the throne of God.
6. Staff- Eric, Dan, Austin, Ben, and everyone else is amazing. I don't know of a group of more passionate people. They are definitely changing the world for Christ. Everything is done with the thought of leading people to Christ.

I chose fellowship as my church, because the church made it impossible for me not to.

So in case you were wondering that's why.

Where do we go from here?

I can't even tell you how many times I've wondered this question and even asked it to friends and family members that I love. Life's twists and turns have brought me to a unfamiliar place. There have always been things that I thought would be constant, that would never change. Well I guess things change. Sometimes when I don't want them to. Sometimes when I think I want them to, then I think what in the world was I thinking. Was I temporarily insane? Did I really think this would be better? Did I truly count the cost of my decisions and indecisions? Did I think this through? I am the king of second guessing myself.

Well, there are a few things I would never second guess. Number one is my acceptance of Christ as my Saviour. I have never regretted that decision. I won't say it's always made life easy, but it has made life worth living. As I lay here listening to "still calls me son" by John Waller, i hear my life. I've drug Gods name places it shouldn't have been and I have known shame that no child of His should know. The only difference is I know with everything I am that when I turn my gaze to God He runs to me and He calls me son. Tells me how much He loves me.

I've gone through some things lately that have shaken me. There has been one constant to bring me through. My relationship with Christ, and when I have needed Him most He has come to me and comforted me in ways I didn't know possible. I have definitely been carried by God through all this. I guess I'm saying all this to say that I don't know what tomorrow holds for me. There could be multiple directions my life could take, and to be honest it scares me. But what scares me more is that I won't follow Gods best plan for me. So I'm giving Him everything I am, because if I expect Gods best I need to give Him my best. I used to think look at all I'm sacrificing for you God, isn't it enough? and I read my answer the other week in Samuel God
tells king Saul. I don't want your sacrifices I want your obedience. I always thought I could get by on my sacrifices and God really hit me the other week that my sacrifices are worthless without obedience. God wants my obedience first and everything else second.

Which brings me to the next awesome point. God has a plan for me. Jeremiah 29:11 is my life
verse. Whenever I have doubted I just look at that verse and know God has a plan for me. To
give me hope and a future. So though I might not know what tomorrow holds for me. I know Who
holds tomorrow. I know God is in charge of my future, if I just obey him. If I give myself to
Him, and I mean all of me not just part. Then I can't go wrong, no matter what the next
chapter holds I will win, because I'll be faithful to God. And through my faithfulness God
will bless me. I'm not doing it because I'm looking for the blessings. I'm doing it because I
want Gods best for my life. I want Gods best for my daughters lives. I want them to know Jesus in a real passionate way. I want them to be in awe of God the way I am. And the means to that
end is to better than I am and the only way that can happen is with Gods help. So I look to
the creator of the universe who has a plan for my life.

So I'm sure you get the ramblings part now:) God is unfair and I love Him for it

What is beautiful?

God has just really laid on my heart that as a society we have trashed beauty with words like sexy and hot. True beauty isn't what we look like in the mirror. It's what we see when we look inside ourselves. It's what we find when we fall in love with God. For me its when I'm in the mountains and i sit by a stream and just listen. Because even the rocks cry out Gods praise, and when we listen, really listen we can hear their song to the Creator of the universe, who made everything and everyone beautiful.