I can't even tell you how many times I've wondered this question and even asked it to friends and family members that I love. Life's twists and turns have brought me to a unfamiliar place. There have always been things that I thought would be constant, that would never change. Well I guess things change. Sometimes when I don't want them to. Sometimes when I think I want them to, then I think what in the world was I thinking. Was I temporarily insane? Did I really think this would be better? Did I truly count the cost of my decisions and indecisions? Did I think this through? I am the king of second guessing myself.
Well, there are a few things I would never second guess. Number one is my acceptance of Christ as my Saviour. I have never regretted that decision. I won't say it's always made life easy, but it has made life worth living. As I lay here listening to "still calls me son" by John Waller, i hear my life. I've drug Gods name places it shouldn't have been and I have known shame that no child of His should know. The only difference is I know with everything I am that when I turn my gaze to God He runs to me and He calls me son. Tells me how much He loves me.
I've gone through some things lately that have shaken me. There has been one constant to bring me through. My relationship with Christ, and when I have needed Him most He has come to me and comforted me in ways I didn't know possible. I have definitely been carried by God through all this. I guess I'm saying all this to say that I don't know what tomorrow holds for me. There could be multiple directions my life could take, and to be honest it scares me. But what scares me more is that I won't follow Gods best plan for me. So I'm giving Him everything I am, because if I expect Gods best I need to give Him my best. I used to think look at all I'm sacrificing for you God, isn't it enough? and I read my answer the other week in Samuel God
tells king Saul. I don't want your sacrifices I want your obedience. I always thought I could get by on my sacrifices and God really hit me the other week that my sacrifices are worthless without obedience. God wants my obedience first and everything else second.
Which brings me to the next awesome point. God has a plan for me. Jeremiah 29:11 is my life
verse. Whenever I have doubted I just look at that verse and know God has a plan for me. To
give me hope and a future. So though I might not know what tomorrow holds for me. I know Who
holds tomorrow. I know God is in charge of my future, if I just obey him. If I give myself to
Him, and I mean all of me not just part. Then I can't go wrong, no matter what the next
chapter holds I will win, because I'll be faithful to God. And through my faithfulness God
will bless me. I'm not doing it because I'm looking for the blessings. I'm doing it because I
want Gods best for my life. I want Gods best for my daughters lives. I want them to know Jesus in a real passionate way. I want them to be in awe of God the way I am. And the means to that
end is to better than I am and the only way that can happen is with Gods help. So I look to
the creator of the universe who has a plan for my life.
So I'm sure you get the ramblings part now:) God is unfair and I love Him for it
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